keep the change.

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2005-10-11T10:16:00

2005-10-11T17:16:46Z

i got a new journal, im actually posting in this one::

Nicole.

ive been doing just fine...gotta be down.

2005-04-20T02:16:52Z

i havent updated in like a super long time not that anyone really reads this at all anyway... a lot has happened since i last updated, i guess the most important thing really the only thing that matters right now is the fact that i am now single. joy...NOT</3. im coping doing better then i thought i would. its weird being without him and really the only thing i want now is to be his friend but hes not ready so im waiting patiently. school is the same i guess,its the same old parkville. its getting hot out that really sucks, and today i got burnt that also sucks but it was my own dern fault i can be so stupid sometimes, i love it. well i guess i will end it here when i have something more excitng to share ill be sure to fill yall in. but til then tootles.

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-11-29T21:22:00

2004-11-30T02:29:12Z

well i went to jersey for good old turkey day, i had a pretty good time, there isnt really much to do there phil can tell ya all about that one, but i enjoy seeing my family. it kinda sucked this year, it was the forst year that grandpa wasnt there it really hit me hard when my grandma told me she wasnt used to talking anymore that was really sad i feel horrible.

but moving on to a semi lighter note, im sick... not so light, but true. i didnt go to school today, hoping that i could have to whole day to sleep, but just the opposite happend, i didnt. i went to the mall to help phil pick out a coat. he did, then i had to go run around and get some stuff done, and when i came home i thorughly cleaned my room, then did homework now im here. grand whata day how great. but i think im gonna go to bed soon to assure lots of sleep for tomorrow, cuz i am going to school tomorrow unfortunatly and i have nutcracker rehersal, again how fun, i kinda cant wait til thats over with. but goodnight and HUBBA HUBBA! ♥Nicole!!!!!

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-11-22T20:01:00

2004-11-23T01:09:05Z

so it appears i may be doing something with my life for a while i went job hunting today, ALONE i think that may just be the best way to do therefore you have no distractions i got an app. i filled it out, i turned it in, now i wait i wait i wait, and i hope i hope i hope, ol well i should keep looking JIC ya know. i just need mula for x-mas and for whatev. i dont really know what for.
well tomorrow is the wonderful dance concert and p-ville high wowie, im not too excited im in kind of a shit peice that im not to thrilled about and knowing me ill fuck it all up. i love to perform dancing is so much fun, but only if you enjoy what you are doing, i dont really enjoy this dance much , i dont really know who could its to x-tina A and nelly hot shit, NOT!!! im excited for nutcraker i enjoy the spanish dance a lot but some of the people irritate me a bit, but as for parents thats mucho fun and the people are awesome, so thats something to look forward to.
i suppose thats pretty much it for now, tata til next time ♥nicOLE'

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-11-20T00:28:00

2004-11-20T05:35:59Z

well today was an interesting i hung out with some people i never really thought i would, as it was the same yesterday how weird. yesterday i spent my day with heather, i havent seen her in ages i enoyed the time we spent together and we had lots of fun. and today i hung out with loren, joe, chuck, and chase we did lots of unusual sorts of stuff but it was fun, id have to say one of my favorites was shrper image we had good times sitting in massaging chairs (you know the ones)!!!
but to top of the whole night we went to the moviesneor we saw THE INCREDIBLES it was great. im jealous of super heros, i wish i could be one. anyone would suffice. well im super tired and i need lots of super sleep so night all.Nicole

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-11-16T15:48:00

2004-11-16T20:54:57Z

so im kinda sweaty, i didnt really think that would happen in this house anytime soon, i never thought they would actually turn on the heat. but they did and i just had my cracking-o-nuts rehearsal and im hot. my day started off kinda shitty, i wen to school in a bad mood after waing up way late, i made it to school on time but i only had 5(or less) minutes to get ready this morning that was a major bummer. this caused me to look like complete shit,and therefore feel like it too. then after school i cracked on chuck and chase a little but i apologized for my actions, im still in a abad mood kinda and i feel like shit, is there ever a time when im not sick, i have developed icky green bumps on the back of my throat again yes AGAIN they are super sick and i hate them. im also very tired and i find it hard to sleep at night. gosh im just full of complaints how exciting is that?

well id love to hear/see something exciting if anyone has anything fun for me id love to see it. but as for now im gonna go find something incredibly entertaining to do, or maybe not. ♥Nicole

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-11-14T00:07:00

2004-11-14T05:16:12Z

so obviously i have not updated in a while, i have my reasons ill spare you all the talk on how stupid my computer is and just leave with the thought that ive had something better to do with my nights, i havent. so a lot has happened in this time the main thing i guess is my lisence which branches off into everything else, i can go wherever i want whenever i want, its great. P-unit is away this weekend that really blows but im staying entertained. ive been to the mall several times with no purpose at all it was good times.chuck chase kyle and i decided to go to the movis tonight we played it cheap and went to the $2 movies(which is now $3, im kickin some serious a$$ for that one) we saw the bourne supremecy. it was good i guess but i was kinda lost seein as how i havent see the bourne identity and all, i enjoyed the action tho and the kink in my neck from sitting in the second row. basically everything adds up to me missing phil a whole lot. I highly doubt that anyone even looks at this anymore, if you could do me a fav and let me know if you do, that would be much appreciated. thanks a bunch kids, im out._Nicole_

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-09-21T17:02:00

2004-09-21T21:05:20Z

so my computer is the stupidest thing in the entire world, i cant even remeber all that has happened sice i last updated, it doesnt matter anyway, school sucks (sometimes) other times its not so bad, the crew is having issues and im afraid is slowly falling apart, there is nothing i can do about it though, its not my place. im super bored right now i dont even have homework to do. i dont really feel like updating now, leave some love....

there is one thing i can do nothing about...

2004-08-22T05:14:56Z

the past 2 days have really sucked a lot do to the viewings/funerals i had to attend. i really fwiggen hate funerals a lot but who doesent, they saden me for days on end.i think i may have a made a bad decison today im not qiute sure yet i thought that i had given it a lot of thought and it was the right decison but it may haven been a very bad one, but what i did i did for me, and not because im lazy. i just hope that everything turns out well and proves that i was right if not that will suck, its not even a big deal. moving on i enjoyed the weather tonight for now i long for fall oh so desperetly. i love fall its my fav. i had fun playing outside in the cool air eventhough we had nothing to do we had a lot of fun doing it, well at least i did and i needed that after feeling pretty down in the dumps for a couple of days, so i enclose a couple of pictures that made me very happy, but for now im super tired so im goin to bed goodnight.Nicole.

♥♥

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-08-18T00:04:00

2004-08-18T04:15:54Z

overall today was a bad day. it all started at 3am last night i woke feeling really sick. that lasted til i woke up this afternoon, still feeling like crap i took something trying to ease the pain and i took too much making me drowsy and tired, im an idiot. theni had to wrk and that sucked as usual, but all day i was worried about my aunt who was in the hospital i was updated through out the day, she wasnt improving at all which sadened me. then i went with the gang to play dodgeball having my bad luck i was just sitting on the sidelins and still got hit harder then ive gotten hit before. it sucked. i got home and everything was cool, p and i were in my room around 11ish when my mom called once again from the hospital with an update, it was the final update she had passed away at 10. i think that was the finale to my bad day.i dont think i can bear going to another viewing/funeral it will be my second one in less than a year. god:i need a break. death really sux. im super tired and just completly out of it, i wish this day never happened. but i will always have this entry to remined me.
ps. i love you whoever you are, please dont die on me.

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-08-17T13:42:00

2004-08-17T17:49:52Z

im stupid almost as stupid as my shitty ass computer, i really fwiggin hate this piece of shit!anywho...ive been up to nothing lately due to the lackage of nothing to do.its ok sometimes but others its just not. weve been back in the dodgeball spirt recently, no one nearly as much as kyle though hes got outfits. dodgeball is always fun. phil thinks stupid things but its always nice to know that hes egos very large so he not really as worried as he says.im excited for the KD on saturday i think it will be an enjoyable day, i hope.i need to find a hobby. i think i should get a jump on my hover craft for land, if anyone would like to help or has any ideas let me know hommieZ. i gotta get ready for work YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps.COMMENTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-08-01T00:06:00

2004-08-01T04:09:17Z

I've got just one thing on my mind.
im hungry.

Leave a comment DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
& hearts ; N_I_C_O_L_E_-_L_E_I_G_H

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-07-31T01:40:00

2004-07-31T05:49:25Z

so my birthday just passed it was swell to say the least, i didnt do much but i did something i havent done in a while and that was hang out with my daddy i havent seen him in so long, we did a lot of talking and it was very clear to me that he doesnt know me very well and thats sad because im his daughter. but moving on, i love my phileigh yesterday he picked me up from work and when i got home there was a lovely little gathering of people waiting for me in my living room, i was so excited! i love parties, and i had a lot of fun. thank you to all of you who came. later on that night was not so great i became very ill into the early morning hours, lots of barfing and not a lot of sleeping. so that lead to me feeling like shit all day today and now i have icky spots on the back of my throat its pretty gross.My cousins are in town for the weekend and then my other cousins are coming for a week, i dont think i can handle that. i love them all but they are all a handful. im looking semu forward to warped tour i think it will be fun, and then im going to hershey park the next day, exciting! the next three days after that is nothing but sleep. and im going to do that now because i feel like shit. adios ♥nicole

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-07-22T23:39:00

2004-07-23T03:43:56Z

well today was an interesting day, for the first part i just hung out with my sister, cool i guess. phil got off work so i went to his house and watched him play Vgames i got mad so i went home, then went to chris' with a whole bunch of people until we turned into nazis and ventured outward to discover that dodgeball was in our near future, i got the brilliant idea of a lovely night swim swim which turned into a massive ASS orgy in my now violated pool.i knew there was something funky about those boys, im concerned! but as for right now, im just pondering my weekend im so excited to go away finally leave this boring town for a few days. i miss my summers at jersey. phil is supposed to accompany me but i dont think he wants to, i hope he has fun. im sure he will!!

I'm going on VacationI"m going ta jersay...Hell YeahJERSEY!!!!!I'm goin away shawtah

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-07-22T02:01:00

2004-07-22T06:05:54Z

so its pretty late and im bored with nothing to do so im updating. i suppose i could say im content latley, havent really been up to much. i got my haircut i guess i like it, its kinda boring it looks pretty much the same just kinda shorter im semi-pissed about that but ill live. swimming seems to be in my top 10 favorite pastimes recently but i have to say. what goes on in that pool between my friends is not the act of normal teenage boys, im concerned for their sexuality. perhaps they have some re-thinking to do. haha but good times indeed.♥

come home......

2004-07-15T05:48:31Z

i have a tendency to go for long periods of time without updating. but here is an update. Phil has gone away for this entire week, and that sucks so bad. i didnt think it would be so bad to be without him for only a week but its agonising. i miss him so much it hurts and it only been about 4 days i still have 3 left to go. him not being around reminds of old scary times but its comforting when he calls and tells me he loves me and misses so much, it makes me feel better to know hes thinking about me. atleast while hes gone im staying out of trouble which isnt hard at all mostly because i love him, and because i havent been leaving the house much. although i did attend the blood brothers/daughters show, they were superb to say the least. it was a grand show and im glad i went. the following night i saw mewithoutyou, it was ok i wish the opening bands were better i felt it wasnt my moneys worth. but atleast i got to see them and thats cool. starting tomorrow i have to work 3 days in a row. i hate that, i hate working, im lazy, very lazy. i miss phil and im tired so goodnight.

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-07-07T00:32:00

2004-07-07T04:41:58Z

I really miss you and wish i was right there beside you, but i know you'll be in my dreams tonight. but you're already here, the sunshine in my hair, the shadow on the ground, the beat in my heart, the moonlight shining down, the whisper in the wind and you'll be here til the end. And we may be thousands of miles apart, but you'll always be with me wherever you are.

im so pathetic, but i miss you so much. -Nicole.

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-06-27T23:35:00

2004-06-28T03:48:26Z

i have nothing to write about anymore hence the reason i havent written anything in a while, plus i hate my computer.so far summer has been pretty dull there really isnt much to do in the gersh fer sakin town we live in everything gets really old really fast and that sux! but i try to make the best of it by suggesting things to do which is always the same thing and i seem to get shot down every time and that hurts, but i live.i love my boyfriend more than water and air, i always have and i always will. hes the greatest and im super thankful that he puts up with my horrible sass. im sorry for being sassy. i have things to look forward to and im glad but the more bored i get the better those things seem to be and i think im settin myself up for one big letdown. cuz nothing is nearly as much fun as i need. i miss the old me, the me that actually enjoyed life, the me that could make other people happy, important people instead of driving them away. ive lost all of my sence of humor.it passed away along side someone i miss. ive never needed something so bad, and i dont know what it is, perhaps its constant reassurance, or one last good laugh with grandpa. i miss those laughs they were the best kind out there, the irreplaceable kind. the only kind that matter. -Nicole

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-06-23T13:16:00

2004-06-23T17:18:38Z

"what girl don't need to be on the mic... she spits venom with one word and then eats some mike and ikes. she's ill and rocks, and in to top it all off weaars clean sox. She is the N to da I to the COLE...she win your heart over than eats your soul. Mad iller than any girl, she could make a yo yo on fire and still rock your world."

"when i say What, you say GIRL... then i want you to be silent because this cat is about to own the world. She owns the game, but don't have to change her name...she could dye her hair, grow 3 feet and and still be the same. She don't need to give you the bird because all she got is one word. WHAT... and you you better believe, that this girl is better than middle schoolers with wet dreams. She don't take lip, but she give it, then grab any ho, and smack her with that ho's own tit. She's rough, but nice, but she bury you in a cup of ice. That's why i got's love for this niglet, and you all best not forget.. n-i.. c-o.. l and e... that's my what girl and you be jealous when we be sippin' on our ice tea.... beotch! -e.panda

This makes me happy!!!!!!!!!

say goodbye.........

2004-06-03T22:15:41Z

so i made a new background woopie, my journal isnt as appealing to me as it used to be, and i was told that i dont get comments that often because people dont expect me to write in it. comments dont matter to me, i think i know who likes me and i think i know who doesnt im not to worried alothough there is a small sense of 'special' i feel when i get comments i wont complain because i dont get that many.

i dont have much more school left and thats got my pickle tickling im excited for summer but i have no clue what it has in store for me, but i hope its fun.
and im overly pissed because my pool is retarted and not swimmable and its gonna cost lots to make it swimmable, thats fucked up!

oh yeah...saturday night is totally a You got Served Night for miss sarah Dillon and myself i know thats overwhelmingly exciting to all parties included (me and sarah) im s0o0o0o0o looking forward to it LyKe 0mG!!!!!!1

& hearts ;Nicole

i am finally seeing. . . i love you more than ever!!!!

2004-05-26T02:47:27Z

so ball was on saturday i have to say i enjoyed myself lots i danced with heather tons and got swallowed in her dress, it was oodles of fun, the after party i did not enjoy so much. i was really tired and phil and i were being snooty with eachother and i was complaining a lot.im sorry. but its all good now.i love phil sooooo much.and i wish that we could be together forever.Honestly there is no way to describe how i feel about you.you are my other half and without you im lost. i LOVE you.
.Thats All.

♥Nicole

Your memories so clear

2004-05-21T19:05:51Z

so school is almost over is so close yet it seems so far, there is just so much more to do before the year comes to a brief close for the "summer". its irritating but i can handle it i guess, i will try my hardest i have no other choice.
phil says he wants to "change" or something along those lines i think thats stupid i dont know why he would do that. he said yesterday that he wants to go back to his old job because he liked it better there and he liked himself better because he was a dick and he didnt care.i dont think i like that very much but i cant tell him what to do.
i started my job, its the one that pays less but its not bad. the people are nice and the work isnt hard. they keep me busy there but im not complaining. im still kinda shy around everyone but i know that i will eventually open up and i have a lot more fun there. so im happy with it.
I miss my Grandpa a lot.i've been thinking about him a lot recently and its still kinda hard to realize that im never going to see him again, im never going to here anymore of grandpa's jokes, and thats hard. I never thought the day would come when i would have to see him lying there motionless, cold and stiff. it was the most horrible thing in the world.All the trips to jersey just arent going to be the same without him.Sometimes when i start talking about him i forget that hes gone and then it hits me. i think about all the times when i left his house, how i felt when i said goodbye it was tough, if only i had known that the last time i said goodbye it was goodbye forever. i miss you gramps.

deja_vu_dreamer @ 2004-05-14T13:33:00

2004-05-14T17:43:21Z

So im off to jersey for the second weekend in a row, this time is not nearly as pleasent as the last and that one wasnt pleasent at all. you know when the phone rings in the middle of the night you cant help but think the worst thoughts? i had that exact feeling last night except all those bad thoughts were real. id give anything for it to have been a dream, its hard to face it when a loved one dies.Im happy i got to see him one last time, i wish my goodbye would have been better i honestly thought that i would get to see him alive one last time.

Goodbyes are hard, and its even harder when you think that that will be the last time you ever get to say it. im going to miss him a lot he was the greatest grandpa anyone could ever ask for.

to grandpa: the dance lessons will go on, and each time i take the stage i will think of you. i love you so much and ill miss you forever. you were the best!

Rip Grandpa Bob.

Nicole

heres to the. . .

2004-05-13T22:03:35Z

i dont really have anything to write about, just bored and felt like killin some time.
i fricken hate hottness it really bites the big one and bein in school when its hot, yeah that really blows. i love the summer and all and its ok for it to be hot outside but when my house and school are the same teperature if not hotter than outside then i get pissed.
i had a job interview today, it was my first one ever. i think it went well but im in competition with 2 or 3 other people and i dont think that im going to be chosen, i honestly dont mind much the job when explained in detail isnt really what i thought it would be. and minimum wage 2 days a week WITHOUT a rasie isnt my kind of bargain. so, im getting out of school early tomorrow to apply for another hopefully i get interviewed then too cuz i may be able to find out then if i got the job there. i just hope that if i get the second job (the one i want) the first one doesnt call and tell me i got that job, id feel really bad. or i may get neither job and thats not cool.
i love the feeling of getting comments. leave me one tell me anything-anything at ex. >what you are wearing.
>how you feel about the cicada issue.
>your insight on the hungry prostitutes in Bora Bora.
>how you feel about me.
those are just some examples you can leave anything you like. Have some fun with it. perhaps you can tell me how stupid i am for doing this. im just bored. and not to mention a duck. anywho im out.
♥Nicole

shake your bambama

2004-05-11T02:07:49Z

i had to go to jersey this past weekend and i must say it was not my most favorite trip there, aside from my being bored to tears and randomly laughing over nothing with my sister over a nice game of monopoly. . . i had to visit my grandpa in the hospital, i think we all know that-that isnt too much fun.
i came home to my philly waiting for me and that was a delight i must say, it brightened my day. he always brightens my day.

i may be getting a job thanx to chuckys mommy. im happy but i dont think i want to work very much but the job doesnt sound to bad, and in the end the proceeds will only help me so what have i got to loose?

phil finally decided he wanted to go to ball, i have to admit i am kinda happy about it. i hope he has fun but i know he probably wont becoause he'll be thinking about how much he doesnt want to be there the whole time he is there. but we will make the best of it.

im pissed because i cant breathe for more then 5 seconds without choking, it keeps me up at nights.it sux.
i wish my mother would listen to me when i talked instead of ignoring me and telling me i dont talk enough. its strange when i tell her how i feel she tells me otherwise, i dont get it. but anyway im done.

♥Nicole

::Not to mention a duck::